The Alpha's Bite (Huntsville Pack Book 5) Page 9

  With a sigh, I trudged onward. We came to a small clearing a few miles later. A tree had fallen, making room for the moonlight to shine on the rotted trunk like a spotlight. Spotting Lupus Volante growing at the base of the dead tree, I stopped short. It was warm enough, halfway down the mountain, for the silver leafed herb to still flourish.

  Most shifters used it as a short-term stimulant during long runs, but I'd discovered I could fly high if I drank a huge pot of coffee with it. Add in a bottle of cheap vodka and I'd be in heaven for several hours.

  I stared at the plant. Drool gathered in my mouth. Every nerve in my body surged with masochistic, hedonistic need. Davian had left me to the mercy of my addictions. This is what I became without him. A walking wound full of self-destructive urges.

  Wrenching my gaze away, I felt for the moon's cool power. Marie had taught me how to channel it. Supposedly it was the strength I needed, but it had yet to work that way for me. Damned if I didn't want those damned leaves more than I wanted to breathe.

  With them, I could zone out. Not care. I could let go of all the pressure trying to crush me. It would be amazing and everything I needed.

  Taking a deep breath, I went over and stomped on the plant, turning it to mush with my heel.

  It didn't matter, though. I still wanted it. There was enough left to salvage some kind of high. I just needed to drop to my knees and pick through the dirt and grass to get it.

  Just one simple movement...

  "What are you doing?" Todd's voice rang harsh in the night air.

  "It's poisonous," I said, making a show of grinding them with the ball of my foot. Hopefully, he couldn't see the embarrassment warming my cheeks. I'd forgotten for a second that he was with me and fallen inside myself. "Don't want anyone to eat them."

  Okay, that was weak. Everyone knew Lupus Volante was safe. Crap. I was trapping myself in a stupid lie. I hoped he hadn't seen the leaves.

  "Sorry. Old habit from when I was a kid." There, that was more plausible, if still a bit strange. At least it wasn't the truth which was way worse than anything I'd said.

  "Shh. I hear something." The deputy stepped close, crowding me.

  I went still and cocked my head, listening. A branch snapped somewhere in the dark and brush scuffed, dry leaves crunching. "Probably just a deer. They forage up and down the mountain this time of year." They'd go back and forth all night in search of green things to eat. I'd seen herds of them slipping through the woods like beige ghosts. It wouldn't stop until the cold zapped the earth to sleep.

  "Deer are not that loud."

  "If they're running, they are."

  "What's making them run then?" The moonlight showed me his frown.

  "Well, it's not me, and if you think I'm the killer, I'm right here in front of you. Which means there's nothing out there but deer."

  "Maybe you have an accomplice," he said, his tone grim. "Someone helping you, giving you an alibi."

  I started to say something about how crazy he sounded, but he put a finger to his lips. Falling silent, I stood and listened with him for what had to be several long minutes.

  Nothing. I heard nothing.

  The cold air silenced insects and forced small animals into their burrows. Aside from deer, there wasn't much around to make any noise. If I thought about it too hard, I got spooked. It was eerie. Like I was visiting summer's crypt, the place where it had been laid to rest.

  "Okay. Let's go. The sooner we do this, the sooner we'll be safe." He nudged me forward.

  I took off with a curt nod. The craving came rushing back, and tears flooded my eyes. The deputy was annoying, but he was also a distraction, like the sting of a rubber band. I used to wear them all the time, snapping them as hard as I could against my skin to shut out the need screaming inside me.

  The memory almost made me laugh. I'd tried all sorts of crazy things.

  Yoga—Nothing and I hated all the blood rushing to my head during headstands.

  Tapping—Annoying as a woodpecker with OCD. Not for me.

  Cutting—Too bloody and I healed so fast, I had to keep doing it over and over.

  Coffee—I'd liked it too much and the caffeine just made me want to add meth to the mix.

  Therapy—Including a program that included swimming with dolphins. They hadn't liked my scent. My wolf marked me as a predator in their world. They'd actually tried to attack me.

  And then of course, I'd gone to the Pack Council approved rehab run by an alpha who made evil look tame. He'd sold me into blood slavery. I'd met Davian there. He'd saved my life, but here I was, no longer a blood slave, but still very much an addict.

  I'd gone through hell to try and kill my addictive urges. The vampires had been the only thing that had worked, but they'd disappeared.

  It was up to me to stay sober.

  But I sucked at sober. Hell, I was still thinking about the damned lupus volante. The silver leaves danced in the back of my mind, poking and prodding me to go back.

  I could do sober for short bursts of time, but not permanently. It had started after my parents died. First it was glue and whatever alcohol was in the house. Anything to shut off the pain.

  My shifter metabolism burned it all off too quickly. So, I took to street drugs, mixing different combinations in the hopes of finding a high that would last. Finally, I figured out a system: Cocaine followed by meth an hour or two later could keep me happy and chipper for a half a day. Whenever I needed to sleep, it was pain pills and marijuana. For the really bad days, I turned to hourly doses of PCP. This regimen would kill a human, but it gave me life.

  I thought no one noticed, that I was using under everyone's noses, but as it turned out, addicts didn't excel at self awareness and I was no exception. Where I thought I was happy, my pack saw a mania that scared them. I didn't walk or run, I zoomed. Yeah, I cleaned the house, but it was the kind of cleaning that missed a lot of dirt.

  People in my home pack started avoiding me, averting their eyes, whispering to each other. It had seemed perfectly logical for me to yell at them for that.

  I closed my eyes, shuddering at the memory. I'd humiliated myself and shamed my family. My sister had taped one of my tirades and shown it to me during one of the million times I failed at rehab. I hadn't been able to watch the video all the way through.

  Fun fact that wouldn't surprise anyone: I was kind of an asshole when I was high.

  Taking deep breaths, I centered myself and reached again for the cold dispassionate orb hanging above the earth. I poured all my memories and shame into it, hoping this time it would keep them all.

  Opening my eyes a moment later, I forced myself to keep moving forward. There was no time for selfishness. The next leader of the Huntsville Pack was being born, and I'd been sent to collect herbs for the mother-to-be. They'd taken me in and I owed them something for that.

  I ground my teeth into my lip, hoping the pain would take me out of my head. Thinking about the past just made things worse, and once the downward spiral started, it was hard to stop.

  Thankfully, we'd arrived at the herb patch and I now had something to do with my hands. Kneeling on the night-chilled ground, I pushed my fingers into the earth feeling for the roots like Marie had taught me.

  "What are you doing?"

  "We're here. These are the herbs we need." I yanked a plant free. "Where's the basket?"

  The deputy grudgingly offered up the basket and I dropped the herb inside and moved on to the next one. For as cold as it was, the herbs were lush and vibrant.

  Marie had cultivated herbs in the woods of Appalachia for years. She'd encouraged the grouping of various plants all over the place. There were patches for different things—healing wounds, soothing the mind, and for childbirth.

  This particular patch contained herbs that would strengthen a pregnancy as well as aid labor. The list Marie had made contained Squaw Vine, Beth Root, Golden Seal and Blue Cohosh. I worked my way through all the herbs, making sure I had everything.

 
; I picked the Blue Cohosh last, setting it carefully inside the basket. There. At least I'd done one thing right today.

  Standing up, I said, "All set. Let's go."

  "That's it? We're done?" The deputy peered into the basket. "Doesn't look like a lot."

  "We only take as much as we need." I wiped my hands on my pants. "Otherwise we just waste it." I'd over-picked some ginseng once and Marie had flipped. I'd learned to be more careful since then.

  Deputy Todd didn't move. He stood, the moon casting him in silver light. The basket hung from the crook of his arm and he scanned the forest, his head moving from left to right. He had large features, but was handsome in his own way.

  "What?"

  "I keep hearing something. Someone's out there."

  "You're paranoid," I said. "Cut back on the pot and you'll be okay."

  "I don't use," he said, his tone sharp.

  "Yeah. Sure. The most common recreational drug on the planet and you've never touched it. Whatever. Can we go?"

  He huffed at me in exasperation.

  "Or just give me the basket, and I'll go while you stand out here hearing things all night." I held out my hand.

  "I'm coming." He stomped toward me.

  I set a rapid pace for Chloe and Jackson's house, speeding up even more once we reached the clearing. The Lupus Volante became a blur in my peripheral vision, a shadow I couldn't make out, which helped contain the need inside me.

  I would die before I used again.

  Right?

  Right.

  Oh moon, I hoped so.

  Chapter Twelve

  Adele

  Marie met me at the door of Chloe and Jackson's house. A grim determination lined her wrinkled face. It had been a long day.

  The deputy went to plop down on the couch in the living room and Marie bustled forward to take the basket from me.

  "Go sit with Chloe while I prep these." She quickly inventoried what I'd picked. "Good. You have the Cohosh. I was worried it might be too cold. We're going to need it."

  "How is she?" I asked. I'd seen people die of drug overdoses, but birth was a new one for me. Judging by the guttural screams coming from inside the house, having a baby sounded lethal.

  "She's in transition, so she might try to hit you."

  "What do I do?"

  "Hold her hand. Lend her your strength like I've taught you. It's a hard birth."

  "Is the baby okay?" I didn't like the thin, terse line of Marie's mouth.

  "Yes. A strong babe. He just needs to stop fighting the moon and come out already." Setting the basket on the kitchen counter, she searched the cupboards of the kitchen, pulling out bowls and utensils. Moving so fast she was a blur, she grabbed a colander and dumped the herbs in.

  A shrill scream rang in the air. Marie froze for a second and looked at me. "Go. She needs you."

  Normally, I wasn't one to run in the direction of screaming, but I knew better than to ignore Marie.

  I approached the bedroom Chloe had chosen to birth in and peeked inside. Candles flickered on the nightstands, casting a weak but warm light into the room.

  Chloe writhed on the bed, the blue sheets twisted around her body. Her swollen stomach protruded and the babe within moved, causing a ripple that I could see even through the sheet. Next to her was Jackson, her mate. He tried to cradle her in his arms, but she was too restless for that.

  "Uh. Hi." I stepped inside and gave an awkward wave.

  "Fuck you, " she snarled at me. Her wolf flashed in her eyes, so strong, so dominant, I had to resist the urge to cower. I'd known she was the alpha's mate, known that she'd defended the pack by ripping off some wolf's head, but I'd never felt the full brunt of her power before. Damned if I didn't want to turn tail and run.

  "Help her," Jackson growled at me. His wolf also ran through his eyes, glittering with a promise to make confetti out of my flesh if I didn't do what he wanted.

  "Yes. Of course." I knelt by the side of the bed and grabbed Chloe's hand. It took a second to find the power inside me that could help those in need. I was scattered, scared of what was happening, and feeling wholly inadequate. I was a drug addict. A half-trained healer who mostly had no clue about what she was doing. I shouldn't be at anyone's birth.

  But the moon had brought me here, and I had to trust she knew what she was doing.

  The power kicked in, flaring to life with an electric shock that zapped through my gut. I winced, but didn't stop. Once I had the link between us established, I pushed energy into Chloe and also reached out into the ether for what little bit of the moon I could find. Cool, silver light on one end and hot sweaty flesh on the other with me in the middle to connect them both.

  Come on, baby. It's time. The moon has called you.

  Chloe screamed and her back bowed up off the bed. My eyes flew open at the intensity of her scream. Jackson glared at me, one fist up as if he wanted to hit me.

  I shook my head at him, but couldn't speak. Too much energy flowed through me for that. Chloe screamed again and Jackson lunged for me. I ducked and his fist missed, but I rammed myself into the wall trying to avoid him. The drywall cracked under my shoulder and crumbled, dusting the floor in white.

  "You hurt my mate," he roared, leaping over Chloe to land in front of me.

  "FYI, child birth hurts." I rubbed my shoulder. "I didn't do anything. You want to blame someone? Blame yourself. You did this to her, alpha."

  He snarled and crouched down, preparing to spring. In the background, Chloe panted and groaned, one hand reaching for her mate.

  I made myself into a small ball and wondered if this was finally the end. I'd always thought drugs or a bad drug deal would get me. In fact, the blood slave ring had been a very close brush with death. Had I survived all of that only to be killed by a first-time dad? What a weird twist of fate.

  "Control yourself, alpha. This fight isn't one you win with fists. I know you want to protect your mate, but this isn't an alpha challenge. It's a birth." Marie's voice rang through the room, brusque and no-nonsense. "Jackson, you get back on the bed. She's going to need your support. Adele, take her hand and give her strength."

  Jackson stood and puffed out his chest. His eyes narrowed into slits and his nostrils widened. He huffed air, like a bull ready to charge.

  Marie was unimpressed. "Alpha or not, if you don't stop this silliness, I will give you a sleeping draught that will put you down for a week. "

  He took a step toward her, fists clenched at his sides.

  She straightened her shoulders and stared into his eyes. "Your son is almost here. Now, decide. Will you be awake to see his birth, be there for the first week of his life or do you want to miss all of it?"

  "My son?" Jackson stopped short and looked back to his wife. She'd pushed herself into a half-seated position. Her breathing came in jerky gasps and sweat rolled down her face.

  "Yes. Your son."

  "My son," he repeated again, a note of wonder in his voice. "My son. My son." The anger melted from his demeanor, and with a sheepish "sorry" shot my way, he climbed onto the bed.

  "Sit behind her. Lift her up. She can't birth the next alpha of this pack lying down," Marie said. Turning to me, she said, "What are you waiting for? Take her hand now."

  I nodded and kneeled once again at the side of the bed, grasping Chloe's slick hand in mine. My shoulder throbbed like maybe a bone had cracked, but I pushed away the pain. Opening another conduit between us, I gave her all the energy I had, noting how her breathing steadied as it filled her.

  Marie knelt on the bed and checked Chloe. "He's almost here. Just a few more pushes."

  Chloe nodded.

  "Just wait for the next contraction and ride the wave. Jackson, keep her upright." Marie grabbed the towels I'd brought in earlier. Spreading one of them at the foot of the bed and setting the others aside, she said, "Do you feel a contraction yet?"

  "Yes," Chloe hissed.

  "Then push. Don't hold anything back. Push. Your son is waiting to
meet you."

  Chloe gave a shrieking howl and bore down, her face turning red with the effort.

  "Yes, that's it. One more and you're done." A smile flickered across Marie's face.

  Chloe howled again, this time joined by her mate, and after several long seconds, a mewling cry joined them.

  "Is that my son?" Jackson asked.

  Marie wrapped the small babe in the towel and held him up. "Yes, that's your son."

  "Oh. He's here. He's finally here. I thought he would never come." Chloe trembled so hard she made me shake.

  Marie set the babe in the crook of his mother's arm. "Congratulations. He's perfect."

  Chloe kissed her baby's head, and a sudden arc of liquid shot out from between the folds of the towel. Their son was peeing the bed. Jackson laughed and Chloe smiled, amused and their eyes shining with new love.

  I didn't laugh, though. I'd always thought that someday I would settle down and have a family, but watching Jackson and Chloe, I didn't feel anything other than loss.

  I could barely walk away from a high.

  What made me think children were ever going to be doable? That a future with a mate was out there for me? I wasn't my sister who had found her happy ending. I was me. And being me sucked.

  I'd thought I was fixing myself by becoming a healer, but I was still just as broken as I'd always been. Deep down, nothing had changed.

  Marie quickly picked up a towel and set it over the babe's stomach. "You'll have to watch for that. Boys are always boys."

  Marie handled the afterbirth and then helped Chloe nurse the babe for the first time. Once that was done, she had me change the bedding. Jackson helped Chloe stand while I stripped the sheets and put on fresh ones.

  Motioning for me to follow her out of the room, she said, "Grab the sheets."

  I nodded and followed her out, fighting to see past the huge mound of laundry I carried. Dumping all the bedding and towels into the washer, I turned on the machine. For a quick second, I leaned against the washer, listening to the gurgle of water filling the tub. I wanted nothing more than to collapse, but Marie had other plans.